Befriending Uncertainty
A Reflection by Karen Brugge
I have found that transformative transitions hold long periods of uncertainty for me. For most of my life, almost nothing has been harder to sit with than uncertainty, yet I have come to befriend it. I am encouraged by this quote from Cindy Lee: “Although I long for the comfort of certainty as much as anybody else, I think we need a spirituality that forms us for uncertainty. . .to learn a spiritual posture that helps us stay in the uncertainties of life. . .”
Formed for uncertainty. How does that resonate with you? For me, it rings loud and it rings true. Uncertainty is woven into the fabric of my human living. It has been part of the many transitions in my life, both large and small; the changes I sought and the ones I never would have asked for.
Befriending uncertainty and its companion, waiting, during a transition did not come easily for me. In fact, I needed a lot of support to sit in it. This “uncomfortable space” (as Lee names it) empty of what had been, and without a palpable trace of what was to become, gave me room to listen and notice. Along with tears and fears, the experience held many invitations for me. My wander through the terrain of waiting and uncertainty yielded courage, healing, and new strengths. The vulnerability of acknowledging that I alone could not produce an answer to my questions, nor a vision, drew me into an opening of deeper and wider reliance upon God. My questions and releasings became a place for Spirit’s weaving of new life, “a new creation” ( 2 Cor 5:17).
The most recent life transition I experienced was retirement from a decades-long career in clinical social work that I loved. I found the retirement process to be a significant part of my life journey. It held much letting go and walked me through many searchings: for my purpose and my value now, a sense of deeper authenticity, and a more real relationship with the Holy One. Being retired for several years now, I see how God, who is present in any human experience, used my losses, my personal gifts, and my deepest desires to open me to new opportunities for growth, healing, and community.
My transition experiences have left me with another gift, one I will take along with me as I further walk the path of my life. It is the invitation to be unfinished. While life will likely offer me a few more big transitions, I find that if I look hard enough, I am constantly experiencing transition of some kind. I love this prayer written by Brother Andrew-Thomas OSB that encourages me as I enter the unfamiliar landscape of a new transition. I’d like to share it with you.
God who chose the narrowness of a manger, receive what I have.
I offer you not certainty, but my attention.
Not abundance, but my presence.
Not strength but my staying.
Meet me where I am, in the ordinary, the unfinished, the fragile places of my life.
Take this heart, such as it is.
Hold it gently.
Make it a place where You are pleased to dwell.
Cindy S Lee, “Our Unforming: De-Westernizing Spiritual Formation”
Br. Andrew-Thomas OSB from Sanctum Scotia <bratmgosb@substack.com
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