Finding Courage
Courage for the Call facilitator, Susan Rizo shares a personal experience that led her to look at courage in a new way.
Finding Courage
A Reflection by Susan Rizo
I’ve been thinking about the storms of life lately, and how they can pop up without warning. On December 13th of last year, we received the shocking news that my husband's cousin Ralph had passed away from a massive heart attack. Just like that, he was gone. It shook us both to the core. He was only sixty-six. During our last conversation, he had been planning to visit us in Mexico come February.
His death left me with so many questions. How could this happen? What about his wife of almost forty years left behind? And his children and grandchildren?
My husband was scheduled to fly to Denver for the funeral in early January. The day before he left, I woke up feeling overcome by fear and began to cry uncontrollably. My anxiety was in full throttle. I could not calm myself down. I began to think, “What if something happens to my husband? What will happen to me?” The thought of losing him sent me into a spin. As he consoled me, I felt better, yet this nagging fear and anxiety plagued me.
I learned in a discernment class I took some time ago how when something like this comes up, you are to nip it in the bud. Remind yourself this is fear trying to get the best of you. Seek out your spiritual director or a faithful friend who can guide you through the situation.
Two days later, on the day of Ralph’s funeral, I had lunch with my friend Becky from church. I told her about what I had experienced, and she talked with me about burying her mom, sister, and husband. She said, “You know, you never know how much faith you really have until a tragedy happens.” She assured me that if my fear did manifest, my faith would kick into high gear and get me through it. (She was speaking from experience.)
I think this is what courage is all about when it comes to our faith. We never know how much we have or can muster until life flips us upside down. Like being tossed by the waves, life can throw us around too.
I realized I have more faith than I thought. Although I do not get to know when my husband will die—as we all do—I came to believe that when it happens, the faith foundation I have laid for myself the last fifty plus years will ground me in the Spirit to get through the difficult moments.
We do have more courage than we realize, and that courage comes from our deep trust that God and the Holy Spirit will never abandon us. I may have a lot of stress, anxiety or fear, yet knowing God is holding me gives me hope that I will come out the other side, strengthened and ready for the next storm.
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